awishforfriends | Notes on Yugi

➤ Personality Traits

Yugi is far smarter than people think he is. It isn't just quick thinking, though he is good at that, but actual intelligence -- Yugi's extremely sharp and smart. The problem is, Yugi's mind has always been framed in the "typical Japanese school" setting, and at school, the tedium and boredom of it is what made him do bad rather than the content. Or to put it a simpler way, Yugi is so intelligent that his poor grades and failure in schools wasn't because he didn't know or couldn't learn, but because the work was so tedious and easy for him that he simply couldn't make himself actually do the work, even if he knew the answers -- and if he didn't know the answers, he couldn't bring himself to figure it out, either, even though he had the ability. Because of this, he appears dull and unfocused, an easily distracted and stupid kid.

It's under less typical public-school-type lessons that Yugi's intelligence truly shines. When he's being challenged and the lessons are brought up to his level, Yugi's an extremely hard worker and able to focus without much trouble at all. Since he's never been given this chance, however, Yugi doesn't actually realize he's as smart as he is, and is often down on himself because of his poor grades whenever the subject comes up.

The theory that Yugi is actually incredibly smart comes from a few things: his skill in dueling and with puzzles is the most obvious, but Yugi also tends to act as a guide, explaining a lot of things very nonchalantly and easily and showing a lot of knowledge on quite a few different subjects. Another slight nod (since anime uses room designs to show personality) is the fact that he has some more "mature" paintings in his room (a landscape, abstract art) that most teenage boys wouldn't really care about.
While he is mostly the type of cheerful person that he seems to be, Yugi is far from innocent. His fears and insecurities are best described here.
Yugi has a lot of different types of clothes in his closet, as well as a very tall mirror, which implies he's at least somewhat into fashion or his own personal style. ~~Also Jou's shirt got mixed in there, how did anyone think those two were straight~~.
From the well-kept plant in his room, he also seems to be at least mildly interested in them/gardening.
He's also never brought up what happened with Yami in the past (S0, where he'd black out and Yami would do terrible things). While he isn't mad or upset about it anymore, that's still a painful chapter in his life he's never really been able to talk about to anyone in depth.
Though Yugi is a person who wants to make friends with whoever he can, he understands now that he can easily fail at that, because sometimes, you only have one chance to truly show that you're there, and if you can't... then all your attempts can be undone. It might not always be your only shot, but it's your best, and if you flub it, it can become even harder to do. This was mostly learned from Kaiba himself, as the one time that Kaiba tentatively opened up and tried to connect, Yugi fell flat and failed completely at responding. Kaiba made an attempt to lean on him, and Yugi missed his chance to support him -- and when he saw what he missed, saw that Yami could do yet another thing that Yugi himself failed, he felt an intense guilt for it. It's neither his fault nor a surprise -- at the time, he was dealing with his own emotional struggles, including the major one of feeling like a complete fraud of a duelist because Yami was using his name. But even so, Yugi hated that he failed so hard in that moment to befriend someone he was trying so hard to help.

But guilt doesn't always breed surrender. Yami supported Kaiba and showed him what he needed, but Yugi learned from that too -- that even if he isn't at fault, if he truly wants to reach someone, he has to give something of himself, even at times where it's painful or hard to do so. He also gained something vitally important then that he had been missing -- a piece of his own Duelist Soul. Yami taught Kaiba that he could be relied upon, but he also taught Yugi that duels were a way to see into someone's soul and to deal with what's laid bare from that -- something that Yugi might have thought of or believed by then, but never truly took to heart.
One thing Yugi is still dealing with is the shift of "authority". He was raised most of his life fairly normally, so the idea of "adults are someone to listen to" was heavily ingrained in him, especially in a culture like Japan's. (To the point that, in Season 0, one basically steamrollered him into giving up his Puzzle briefly to display in the museum, even though Yugi desperately didn't want to.) However, with everything that's happened and with adults themselves being harmful forces, Yugi is having to struggle with his old, taught values, the realization that not all adults need to be -- or should be -- obeyed, and that he's in a particularly unique position to push back against them and be taken seriously even despite his age. It's still a struggle, but he's trying his best to figure it out.
This Yugi IS canon, and in canon, his parents are alive -- his father lives outside of Japan for business (or is "away all the time", depending) and never appears in the manga or anime, and while his mother DOES appear and is stated to be living with Yugi and Grandpa, she appears a total of twice in the entire run of the original series' anime and once in the manga (and ISN'T EVEN NAMED). On top of that, the manga appearance was a nasty person, berating Yugi for not studying and hitting him with a ladle. The studying part is very Japanse parent, so that's nothing special, but the ladle is the more problematic part to me. The original Yu-Gi-Oh! very, VERY clearly established a serious take on physical child abuse through Jounouchi and Kaiba, and while Yugi's mom was an early, one-off joke before these things were addressed, even in hindsight it's extremely uncomfortable. Since it's clearly meant to be a gag, I don't feel right calling Yugi's mom "abusive" (especially since we only see her a combined three times over both versions!), but at the same time, I don't really want to have anything to do with her.

So for the sake of this Yugi/this journal, this is how his parents are being handled:
His father lives outside of Japan and Yugi basically doesn't know him, as he moved for business when Yugi was very small.
His mother was a lovely, if overbearing, woman that he cared for, but she died when he was in elementary school.

This leaves Yugi with just his Grandpa as his only real parent.

This tag was written for an RP, but so well captures Yugi's internal thoughts and feelings that it was reposted here for reference.

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[A pendulum swing, a stop at a crossroads. On the easy two paths from before, Yugi's inaction made Kaiba take the colder one. Now, they're at this point again, but one can lead to the road not taken. But even if the choice is up to Kaiba, Yugi knows that it's up to him to open the gate.

He failed before. He let Kaiba down. Even if it fails, even if Kaiba decides not to open the gate, to stay on the path... He has to do everything he can. If he fails, then he fails, and his failure from before is too much to fix. But he has to try. If he doesn't give it everything right now, then he'll never be able to make up for the hurt, and he'll never be able to forgive himself either.

And so he throws himself, has to throw himself, into this duel. And when he does, he meets Kaiba halfway, slamming headlong into the man with the same force that Kaiba exerts himself.

Yugi's feelings are poured into everything -- every card, every play. His genuine care for Kaiba, the worry and affection he feels for even this cold man, the friendship-born love that he wants to make. His remorse for his inaction and the cold rebuff Kaiba had been given, his desire to make up for it. The want to break the barrier, or at least open it up, to be able to meet Kaiba on his own ground. To learn. To understand. To truly, honestly, understand everything that he can.

But it's not enough. He knows it isn't. Perhaps the more naive of him would have thought that's all Kaiba needed -- and perhaps, at the time, it was. But not now. To ask Kaiba to open up again, to risk that hurt, to show him that moment of weakness... he has to offer the same. Kaiba has bared his heart once and was burned for it. To convince him to do it again, Yugi has to do the same. And he isn't going halfway with it.

His fear, his unease. The feelings of being a fraud, of being a liar. That Yami's use of his name has made him a fake -- that he can never, no matter how hard he tries, live up to what the Pharaoh has done. That it was never about him, in any way.

"Replacement." So often had he let Yami take the lead for his skills, so often had the others been around him, spoken to him, so often... so often. He trusts his friends. He loves them. And yet, the feeling is still there.

It's something Kaiba doesn't imagine, Yugi bets. He'll never be as hurt as Kaiba -- he could never even compare the two! Kaiba suffered so deeply, and pain like that is not something he could ever come close to. But just because hes' the one pained the most deeply doesn't mean that he's the only one pained.

Yugi seems cheerful, friendly, happy. A loving grandfather, doting friends, the "innocence" Kaiba thinks is the majority of what's there. But Mutou Yugi is a boy with wounds, too -- wounds that run deep, old wounds that have scabbed over but not yet healed. That still, even now, struggle to heal.

"What am I?"

Jounouchi and Karasu are strong and brave. Honda, Anzu, Ryou, are brave too, can keep going -- even knowing they're weaker, they can't fight, they're still there, cheering on, putting on a brave face, doing all that they can.

"Am I useless?"

And yet, can he claim any of that? Yugi knows his friends love him. He knows they see a lot in him. They have to. Anzu, his oldest friend. Jounouchi and Honda, from bullies to friends. Even Karasu, from a distant and cold girl to someone close. And yet, and yet...

"Is there actually anything that only I can do?"

He feels as if he's so far behind them. Behind everyone. Those from Duel Academia have said much, sure, but the person they're talking about isn't him. That person, that Yugi, they're too completely separate people.

Kaiba, at Alcatraz, opened himself up. He shared a vulnerability, a pain. He showed weakness, and was attacked in that moment as a result. Perhaps it'll be the same. Perhaps Kaiba will strike back in it. Or perhaps he'll dismiss it. Yugi... doesn't think he can care.

If this will prove his sincerity, if he can convince Kaiba to even try again... that's all he wants. The Yugi of the future isn't him... but perhaps, if he finally stops trying to hide, if he finally drags himself forward and takes his own risks, walks despite the fear and pain...

Perhaps he can become that person. Perhaps he and Kaiba both can.]

Edited 2020-06-14 13:58 (UTC)

Notes on Yugi

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